So Long, Melancholy

I remember being a kid ~ back when Sunday afternoons included a slow relaxing drive in the country. Just the mention of a ride signaled a race to the driveway...each hoping for their favorite spot in the family truck. Dad would slide in behind the wheel and Mom would scoot over next to him. My brother and I would jump in the back...sometimes content to sit on the wheel hubs and other times letting our feet dangle from the tailgate. Dad would crank ole Blue and slowly make his way down the gravel lane. Bump, bump, bump...over the cattlegaurd, then onto the paved Farm to Market road. A left turn meant a short ride to town, but steering to the right meant a longer ride back thru the country. A right turn always brought a bigger smile! It meant more time to enjoy the wind blowing your hair and the sun warming your skin. It meant slowing down to wave at neighbors in their yards and stopping to look at newborn calves in the pasture. It meant singing songs, being silly and laughing out loud for no reason at all! It meant relaxing, rejuvenating, and reconnecting. I remember being a kid ~ and I smile.

Tonight, as the sun went down and the dark began to settle in, I found myself longing for the simple pleasure of a ride in the country. The events of the day weighed heavy on my shoulders, and the concerns of tomorrow rested heavy on my mind. I knew what I needed, so I grabbed my keys and headed to the driveway. I slid in behind the wheel of my car, cranked the engine, and backed onto the street. A turn to the left would land me in the middle of town, but turning to the right would lead me to open country roads. You guessed it ~ I turned to the right! Bump, bump, bump...over the railroad track and to the edge of town. The reflectors on the road were like beacons on a runway, lighting the way for my temporary escape. The dark pavement was like a welcome mat for my spinning wheels. As the windows slid down, the stereo cranked up. As the accelerator pressed downward, the speed steadily climbed upward. I sat back, took a deep breath, and allowed the music and the wind and the hum of the engine to lift me above the melancholy I had felt earlier in the evening. Breathing in the cool, crisp air began to clear my head and the breeze brushed the cares from my shoulders. I just kept driving, winding thru country roads and crossing narrow bridges. I encountered sparse traffic and absolutely no obstacles. It was smooth sailing over many miles before I knew it was time to turn around, gather my bearings, and find my way back home. All along my journey, I found myself singing songs, being free and laughing out loud for no reason at all!

ON THE EDGE

Today is that day. What day, you may ask? The day that I find myself on the edge. The edge of what, you may ask? The edge of finding out some things about myself I have never dared to explore before. Do I have what is required to take that long, honest look at myself in the mirror? Do I have the courage to let down all the walls and see who really stares back at me? Can I look beyond the face that I put on for everyone else and find the real me? Will I like what I see, or will I despise it? In fooling everyone else, have I even fooled myself? Such wonderings are not for the fainthearted. Have I been led to the edge by a force I trust? Or have I been driven there by fear and uncertainty? Have I been brought to this place as a launching point for new beginnings? Or have my doubts crowded me to this point of no return? It could be liberating to step off into thin air and see if I can fly! But it could be devastating to fall and crash onto the jagged rocks that lay beneath. What will the verdict be once my decision is made? Will I be praised for taking that giant leap of faith? Or will I be pitied for my weakness and desperation? Only time will tell. As for now, I find myself on the edge. Today is that day.

TREASURED GIFT

It's really no surprise that my dreams were graced last night by my Mimi. You see, I went to bed thinking about the fact that today is her birthday. I was trying to come up with an appropriate way to commemorate the occasion that wouldn't focus on her absence, rather acknowledge her presence that I still embrace in my heart. I was pondering this as I drifted off to sleep.

At some point during the night, I found myself immersed in conversation with Mimi. She was even more beautiful than I'd ever seen her, if that is possible. She was exceedingly vibrant and very much full of life. She reached out, took my hand and gave it a loving squeeze. With green eyes sparkling and rosy cheeks glowing, she began speaking powerful insight into my life. As I listened intently, I recognized that everything she was saying I had heard before in different seasons of my life. The wisdom flowed without interruption from her heart to mine. Words of strength and of courage. Words of comfort and of compassion. Words of hope and of affirmation. All words of truth that surpassed my thinking and came to rest deep within my spirit.

The words she spoke were not just broad generalizations. They were well measured and specific to my life. They were not just what I wanted to hear; they were what I needed to hear. The words were heavily clad in truth and tempered with love. They were infused with deep wisdom. They brought an instant settling within my heart.

When she was finished, she leaned over and kissed my cheek. Then an embrace that was so real it woke me from my sleep. I went straight to my mirror, fully expecting to see the imprint of her lipstick on my cheek. This is a memory I will treasure forever.

It is customary to receive gifts on your birthday. However, today Mimi chose to bless me with this most treasured gift! I love you, my Mimi!

Always A Story To Tell

Oh my! Allow me a moment to brush the cobwebs off my blog! You know it's been too long since your last post when you can't remember your sign in name and password! Well, here I am...I found my way back to Musings, but not without a nudge from a couple of good friends :) Thanks Di and Jonna for reminding me to take time for myself in the midst of the "busyness" of life.

Writing is very therapeutic for me. The chaos and noise that I find myself too often immersed in tends to stifle the musings within. Yes, they are always there. I can feel them--patiently waiting for a break in the commotion. Once I find that place of peace and quiet, the reflective inspiration stirs within. As I give way to the pondering of my soul, the somewhat random thoughts begin to align into meaningful prose and find their way from my heart, through my keyboard, to the blank page that waits before me. The words flow with rhythmic cadence, releasing my inner thoughts onto the written page. The phrases pour out like refreshing water from a pitcher until nothing remains. As the final drips trickle from the spout, my thoughts wind down slow and steady. The tapping of my fingers on the keys yields to silence as the conclusion is reached.

It is done--for now--until the next opportunity to express those things which stir deep inside. Sometimes bold and powerful; sometimes light with humor; but always a story to tell!

Stars In My Eyes

Few things are as beautiful as the night sky adorned with it's brilliantly shining stars. It is simply breathtaking to gaze up into the wide expanse and behold such a lovely sight. Night after night, innumerable pulsating lights appear to hang effortlessly--faithfully fulfilling their purpose. At first glance, it seems that these celestial beacons have been randomly scattered upon the canvas of darkness. Yet further observation challenges this theory of indiscriminate origin. Slowly images emerge among the twinkling backdrop! First one, then another and another! My eyes can clearly see the outlines of noticeable objects! Over there, a bear! That way, a balancing scale! Straight above are two ladles, one slightly larger than the other! Is it merely my eyes playing tricks on me? Has my overactive imagination engaged itself? Is there truly a deliberate and systematic order to the placement of these tiny wonders? Or are they simply strewn haphazardly into the atmosphere, coming to rest in a chaotic heap? So much information for my whirling mind to consider and comprehend! I take a moment and turn away from the heavens, hoping to gather my senses and awaken my ability to reason. Looking down at my shadow on the ground, I prepare to resume my surveillance of the night sky; wondering what scene awaits my inquiring eye. I close my eyes and lift my face upward. My eyes flutter open, blinking repeatedly to restore focus. Wow! I stand amazed at the immense detail of the luminous mural that meets my meticulous gaze! Even more objects than before reveal themselves; this time with superb clarity! There is no way this was done by chance. This most definitely is not coincidental. If there ever was even a twinge of doubt in the depth of my being regarding the existence of a Creator, that voice has been silenced forever! For tonight I have witnessed first hand a magnificent masterpiece---divinely designed by the hand of God!

"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands." Psalm 19:1

Morning's Repose

My eyes awaken to the soft glow of sunshine

gently filtering through a light, misty haze.

Birds seem to whisper their greeting this morn

instead of the usual loud clamor they raise.

A calm quiet greets me as I step beyond the door

to an absence of traffic and neighbors and noise.

Like a blank canvas, a day fresh and undisturbed,

alive with the possibility of yet discovered joys.

With great wonder I consider

where my path will lead today.

In the stillness of the moment

I yield my heart to pray.

I lift my voice in praise to Him

for the blessings I have known,

And offer my thanksgiving

for His grace and mercy shown.

I bring the plans that I have made

and lay them at His feet.

For He alone knows what it takes

to make my life complete.

I will travel His path

my progress unhindered,

When I give Him my life

fully surrendered.

As I arise from the place

where I had paused to pray,

The haze lifts . . . the birds resound

Now I am ready to embrace this day!

Never Alone

I want to dedicate my very first blog to a friend from high school whom I recently reconnected with on Facebook. A talented blogger herself, Angie is the one who encouraged me to pursue this venture. Thanks for the nudge!

I am one with a deep desire for learning...be it from books, from people, or from experience. There are many teachers in life: parents, siblings, friends, educators, clergy, mentors, spouses, children, media. The list is endless. So many forces in our environment are capable of impacting our lives in tangible ways.

The end of each day finds everyone in an altered state from when we first swung our feet over the edge of our beds in the morning hours. Some days our lives are enhanced and enriched by personal triumphs and achievement. Other days we find ourselves diminished and depleted from the challenges and disappointments of the daily grind.

The experiences are there...every day...faithful to their task of building and refining our character. Some learning experiences are planned and pursued, with a desired result in mind. Other lessons come unannounced--out of nowhere--and shake us at the very core of our being. Each incident we encounter is different and unique; and so is our response to them. We gladly accept and embrace the positive things that come our way. We reluctantly bear the blows of sorrow and heartache and dismay. So the cycle goes, day after day, month after month, year after year.

I have come to know and understand that we all remain students of life as long as we have breath in our being. With each day, our lives proceed through a loop of continual change. The good things in life serve to launch and propel us forward with renewed purpose and vision. The difficult things cause us to search out and rely on a strength greater than ourselves to sustain us.

It is a common saying that life is a journey. I can say with sure conviction, the greatest lesson I have ever learned is that I am not expected to walk this journey alone. There is One who has come alongside me, sharing both the weight of my burdens and the fullness of my joy. He strengthens me through my times of weakness, and equips me for certain success. When things are pressing in all around me, causing me fear and distress--He is there. When I stand on the mountaintop and celebrate my victories--He is there. When I lay awake at night and wonder what tomorrow holds--He is there. When I ask myself what's the one thing I want everyone to understand, it is this--He is there!